waiting is all you can do, sometimes.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
5:32 PM

i never thought i'd be her.

her, the woman who waits by the telephone with a newspaper in her hands for the expected, upcoming call from her lover, to say that he's okay, that he survived the attack and will be home before she can miss him, only he won't be, really. and her bones aches for his.

or her, the woman who stands next to the exiting terminal in the airport wearing her prettiest sundress, the one with the teal strings that's bunched and wrinkled at the sides because she's so anxious to see him. it's been too long and little jude is at her feet with his best frown on, waiting for him.


[[ - - - he's your yellow sunshine boy.

you love the way he always finds his way into the cupcakes and that even if he's got your love for words he is his father's limbs and cobalt blue eyes. there's that small scar on his elbow that he got bothering the tabby cat that stand out on his pale, child-soft skin that no creme can buy. you love the pieces that he is.


- - - ]]

oh, he's gunna come home a man, sweetheart.

just not yours.

because somewhere he'll meet someone, they always do. he'll meet someone maybe from japan or belgium or peru - but you can be sure that she'll be exotic and beautiful and he won't be able to wait 'til he can come home to see her.

you'll see them everywhere, you'll know.

and soon enough, he'll have to leave again and she'll stay home with that promise on her finger as a reminder that he'll be coming home to her and she'll just run her hand in circles over the evergrowing swell of her belly. she'll smile.

one time he'll come home and little nicolas ( - because she'll like the way it sounds, nicolas r- , simple and sweet and normal - ) or bobby or david, will have his mommy's eyes and his daddy's cheekbones. nicky'll be walking around the house, bumping into endtables and eric will be so proud and happy - by god, he'll be happy.

this is when you realise that you're going to have to settle for the rest of your life.

or . . .

or he just won't, you know.

he won't come home on that silver bird and you'll hear trumpets. that is, if you actually manage to drag yourself out of berd long enough to put on that pretty, black dress that hangs in the back of yours closet that you bought just in case this ever happened.

and somehow, you'll find a way to give up on love, only it might take some time because love has always been the only thing you know that was real and beautiful in this world.
and you won't know how to do that.

and even if anyof that doesn't happen and eirc comes home with a new outlook on life and muscle and a smile on his face ( - almost like those ones he'd give you on the stairwell, sometimes - ) you'll still be waiting next to the telephone.
but he won't be coming home to you.

[[ - - - - - - - ]]

"yeah, he signed up for the navy...said he wanted to travel the world or something."

Labels: , , , , , , ,


Information
Layout: Northern Downpour
Browser: Mozilla Firefox
Screen: 1280X800

About
Heyya,I'm Stpeh! add mayo. i drown my sorrows in maple syrup, i get sick alot, i don't believe in gravity, i dont like to promise things, i hate to settle, i hate to disappoint, im afraid of being forgotten, i like to have breakfeast late at night, i like having meanigful conversation, or pointless conversations. i don't like to capitalize things. i always feel lonely, it's a gift. i self-medicate and almost always take more than the recommended amounts, my socks never match, i liked to be touched in an innocent sense, i love excuses, i love a boy i haven't spoken to in over a year, i want to learn how to skateboard, i want to be sent love letters an boquets of carnations, i want a tiny apartment that smells like incense ad strawberries, i want a place i can tack poetry to the walls and say, mine, i want make it..

call me up to people watch
Credits
Layout: tuesdaynight
Resources: 1 2